


Fluffy You Asshole

by Piano_Kitty



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Derek doesn't even talk because Stiles is a strange entity, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, he finally speaks in the second chapter, mischievous kittens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-20 00:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4766081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piano_Kitty/pseuds/Piano_Kitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He ran back out to the balcony. "Goddam you, you fiend! Come back here!" More silence. Not that a 3 month old kitten could answer him. Or any aged feline. Stiles surveyed the gap between the two balconies. "Fuckfuckfuckfuck," Stiles carefully climbed over the balcony wondering if he could afford an apartment by himself on his sad salary."</p><p>or the one where Stiles breaks into his neighbor's apartment to retrieve a cat that's not even his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When Isaac said he wanted a cat for the apartment Stiles was indifferent. He liked animals and it wasn’t his cat so he wouldn’t have to clean a litter box. Perks of having a cat and none of the cons, as long as the thing didn’t shed. Isaac ended up getting a female Bombay cat who was basically Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch, even though he named her Fluffy which was stupid because 1) she had short smooth hair and 2) she should’ve had a cooler name that wasn’t disrespectful to the feline community.

Fluffy had had a bad habit of clawing furniture and urinating on _everything_ since Isaac insisted on getting a kitten. At Least Scott helped him talk Isaac into getting a rescue.

“Fucking hell!” Stiles shouted opening his dresser and finding yet another graphic tee shredded to pieces. Scott ran in looking around for a threat and sighed relief when he saw Stiles alone.

“Dude I thought the thief Mrs. Madeline was telling us about was in here.”

“And you taught a spatula would aid in stopping him?”

Scott hid the spatula behind his back. “Why are you even screaming?” Stiles waved his shirt around. “Oh.”

“Yeah ‘oh’. Isaac needs to train that friggin cat before this habit because permanent.”

“Aw come on man. Fluffy’s just a kitten.”

Stiles rolled his eyes. “Where’s Isaac anyway?” he asked tossing his shirt into his waste basket and walking out and into the living room.

“He’s at the clinic. Deaton called him in an hour ago.”

“So Fluffy’s just here? Alone. Unsupervised?!” Stiles looked around frantically checking for wet spots on their furniture.

Scott rolled his eyes. “She’s in the kitchen eating. I told Isaac I’d take care of her.”

“Great. Well, I’m gonna head out for one of those cupcakes from that new bakery.”

Scott shuddered. “Dude buy some and bring them home for me?” Scott begged.

“Sure.”

Stiles was coming back from closing his bedroom door before he left when he noticed Scott standing in front of the front door looking nervous holding Fluffy.

“Scott?” Stiles asked approaching slowly. “You okay?”

“Um. So Allison called.” He said. And that was great news. She and Scott had a fight last week and she was supposed to leave for France in a couple of days.

“Okay? That’s...good, right?”

Scott nodded. “She wants to see me.” he said then held Fluffy out towards him. “Now.”

And that explained it. “But Scott!” Stiles whined loudly stomping his foot on the ground and throwing up his arms.

“I know you don’t like her but I have to see Allison before she leaves!” Groaning dramatically Stiles walked over to Scott taking the cat from him. “Thanks, Stiles.”

“I hate you!” he yelled to Scott as he closed the front door.

30 minutes later Stiles leaves the movie he’s watching with Fluffy to make a sandwich and when he comes back she’s gone. He puts his plate down on the coffee table to look under the couch.

“Fluffy?”

A tiny meow comes from his balcony. When he walks out the kitten's chewing on the Catnip plant Allison brought them a couple days ago. Fluffy meows again noticing Stiles and jumps on the banister.

“Whoa, there Ezio. Let’s come down from the 5th-floor balcony. I’m pretty sure you’ve been alive for like 3 months so I’m guessing the 9 lives thing doesn’t really apply yet.” Another meow and Fluffy jumps onto their neighboring balcony.

“Why?” he whines. He watched her walk around the new space. “Oh fuck.” Stiles whispered noticing the open screen door. It seemed Fluffy noticed it at the same time because she immediately dashes into the apartment.

“We should get a cat.” Stiles says imitating Isaac as he walks back in the living room. “It’ll be awesome.” he mumbled walking out of his apartment. “I’ll take care of most of her stuff. So it’ll be no trouble at all!” he mocked. Knocking on their neighbor's door. Silence. “Well guess Fluffy has a new home.” he mused walking back home. He sat back on the couch and was about to reach for his sandwich when he noticed his butt was wet. Well past the age of wetting himself guessed Fluffy pissed the couch. He froze mid reach.

Oh, fuck.

Fluffy would demolish that apartment.

He ran back out to the balcony. “Goddam you, you fiend! Come back here!” More silence. Not that a 3 month old kitten could answer him. Or any aged feline. Stiles surveyed the gap between the two balconies. “Fuckfuckfuckfuck,” Stiles carefully climbed over the balcony wondering if he could afford an apartment by himself on his sad salary. “Fuck yeah!” He exclaimed fist bumping the air as he successfully reached the other side.

“Fluffy?” he called entering the apartment. And how was this apartment next to there’s? It’s looked too pretty. There was a flat screen mounted on the wall. Under it a very short white table that held a small white wolf ceramic figurine, and a single vibrant purple flower. There was a white love seat with pale yellow pillows and a black couch with two matching ottomans. The beige carpet had a suspicious wet patch that Stiles bets wasn’t there two seconds ago. “Fluffy you asshole!” he shouted venturing further into the space.

He found a bedroom which looked a lot like the living room matching the black and white theme. A large bed that took up the presence of the room was draped with a thick black duvet and white pillows with black swirls decorating them. A painting hung above it. It was simply a black swirly symbol. Stiles zeroed in on the puffy cotton trail that led from a rip in the duvet to the ajar closet door. Opening said door led to the findings of the evil cat. “Gotcha!.” Stiles cried as he leapt for the feline nearly braining himself on a shelf. Fluffy dashed past him and out of the room.

“I’m gonna murder Isaac!” he yelled running into the living room. He stopped frozen in his tracks when he saw the confused man staring at him in the doorway holding a grocery bag in one hand and Fluffy in the other. “Um...heeey.” Stiles greeted. The man stared blankly at him with furrowed eyebrows that looked like angry caterpillars.

“See the reason I’m here is because of that evil cat my roommate just had to have. See the little evil monster pees on _everything_ ,” Stiles stopped to flail in the direction of the man's carpet. “and rips everything apart. Just to shreds.” Stiles gestured behind him towards the bedroom. The man's eyes widen at that. “Our balcony door was open and I _told_ Scott to always keep it closed after the attack of The Pigeon two months ago but he never remembers so Fluffy, I know right, got outside and decided to hop balconies and say hello to your apartment.

"So I hopped too because I know her ways and I’m pretty sure things would have been worse if I had not. By the way, you should absolutely keep your door closed because there are sinister pigeons and kittens out on the loose.” Stiles pauses. “And there’s been robbers too.” he added on an after thought. “I’m not a robber of course. Just an abused friend who got stuck on kitty duty.” Stiles inhaled. “Heh, duty.” The stranger stared at him with wide green? grey? hazel? eyes and then glanced at the kitten that was asleep in his gigantic hand. Like seriously he was holding the whole kitten, and then back up at Stiles. Dude was pretty fucking handsome too. He had black pushed back hair that looked friggin'  _soft_ and stubble that’d probably leave a burn on Stiles’ sensitive skin and opp look at that nobody has said anything.

“So I’m just gonna,” Stiles inched closer and swiped the kitten from him. “...go.” Stiles walked out to the balcony placing the kitten on the other side and then climbed carefully over himself. When he looked back he jumped realizing the guy had followed him outside still looking confused and still holding groceries. Stiles scooped Fluffy up and waved to the guy.

“Oh, I’m Stiles by the way.” And walked back into his apartment making sure to close the balcony door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written from [this prompt](http://dailyau.tumblr.com/post/128049993446/my-stupid-cat-sneaked-out-on-the-balcony-and-into)
> 
> Derek's living room inspired by [this picture](http://boweryhouse.org/living-room-furniture-design-ideas.html/black-and-grey-based-modern-living-room-design-with-stylish-furniture-and-home-theater)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh look Derek can talk!

“Excuse me?” Stiles asked looking up from the laptop that was resting on his chest.

Isaac sighed heavily like he was that one being inconvenienced. “I asked if you could walk Fluffy.”

“Fluffy.” Stiles paused for effect. “Your _cat_.”

“ _Yes_ , Stiles. I read an article online that said it helps with overactive kittens.”

God knows Fluffy could use help with that.

“Why can’t you do it?” Stiles asked sitting up properly.

“Because I have dinner with my parents. _Look_. I’d usually ask Scott but seeing as he’s in France with Allison...” Isaac trailed off rubbing his eyes sighing.

Isaac's relationship with his family had been on the rocks even before Scott became his friend and then gave him their empty room, before even introducing him to Stiles. Their relationship didn’t really start out well since Stiles was walking around naked in what he thought was an empty house and hit Isaac repeatedly with a large box of Poptarts assuming him to be some kind of rapist.

Stiles glanced longingly at Scrubs playing on Netflix. “Yeah sure.”

Stiles crawled off his bed heading towards his dresser to put on pants. When he turned around Isaac was still standing in the same place staring at him. Why do people stare silently at him all the time? Not only is it rude but kinda creepy.

“What?”

Isaac shook his head. “Usually, you put up more of a fight when I ask you for something.”

Stiles rolled his eyes. “No, I don’t.”

“You’re literally putting up a fight about how you don’t put up a fight!” Isaac yelled.

“Whatever. Do you want me to walk your evil cat or not.” He asked hopping on one foot trying to get a leg in his jeans.

“Thank you, Stiles.” Isaac said forcefully and walked out of his room.

“Love you too buddy!” Stiles shouted back.

 

So apparently walking a cat with a hot pink leash in broad daylight doesn’t do well for someone’s self-esteem. If one more group of teenages laugh while recording him with there phones, he’s gonna sic the feline on them.

Figuring there wouldn’t be as many kids in the heavily police patrolled park at 12 am on a Wednesday Stiles heads there. Hopefully, they catch any truant minors and save him from being ridiculed.

By teenagers at least.

He nods at Miss Jenkins politely when she eyes him and groans loudly when he gets far enough away. So caught up in his own head Stiles doesn’t notice Fluffy tugging on the leash and lets it slip from his hand. She goes off to chase a husky in the middle of the grass who's about to catch a frisbee.

“NO. OH MY GOD.” he yells finally getting his head on his shoulders and runs towards the animals. The husky catches the frisbee and then upon noticing the wayward feline drops it and moseys over to her.

Fluffy nuzzles the dog and begins licking him when the husky lays down.

“Oh.” Stiles breathes out when he finally reaches them. “Wow leave it to Isaac to find the one cat that likes dog but hates humans.”

“Excuse me?” a deep voice incurs behind Stiles. He turns around to see their next door neighbor whose house he “kinda sorta but not really but totally” broke into.

“He B5! What are you doing here?” Stiles greets straightening up.

“That’s my dog.” B5 says using his head to gesture towards the husky who’s cuddling with Fluffy.

“Oh. Welp, I guess he’s Fluffy's boyfriend now.”

“Girlfriend.” B5 corrects.

Stiles looks over to the to animals nuzzling. “Aw, that’s even cuter.” He turns back to B5. “Hey B5 do you want to get some coffee?” B5’s wearing a green Henley and apparently no one's ever taught him how to buy clothes cause the shirt is _tight_ and B5 is _ripped_.

“Derek.”

“Hmm?” Stiles looks up from his inspection of B5 arms to see him smirking at Stiles. Shit.

“My name’s Derek. Not B5. That’s not even my apartment number.”

Stiles blushed and waved his hands around as if to shoo away his awkward. “Tomato, potato. How’s ‘bout that coffee? Autumn has come and I still haven’t gotten a pumpkin spice latte.”

Derek's nose wrinkled. “Really?”

“They are amazing and I will not let you say otherwise. I bet you haven’t even tried one.” Stiles replies indignantly.

“I don’t ever want to.”

Stiles puts his hands on his hips. “You’re one of those people who don’t drink any coffee other than ones that actually keep you awake.”

“Why else would you drink coffee?” Derek asked with an eyebrow raised. It kinda looked like black caterpillars.

“Because _Derek_ coffee can taste good.” Stiles picked up the leash wrapped around Fluffy and began untangling it. “Grab your dog and let me show you the beauty of overrated, overpriced coffee.”

 

“Okay.” Derek said after he sipped his latte. He paused to blow on it and took another slip. His shoulders dropped and he looked over to a smirking Stiles. Derek rolled his eyes. “It’s...yeah it’s really good.” Stiles fist pumped the air. They were sitting back in the park on the grass as they drank their coffee. Fluffy and Artemis, who was Derek’s sister Laura’s husky, lazied next to them. Fluffy was grooming Artemis from her perch on top of the other dogs back.

“See Derek. There’s a Tumblr girl in all of us.” Derek rolled his eyes but kept drinking the coffee. “So what do you do for work Derek?” Stiles asked leaning back on his hands.

“I train dogs.”

“Like police dogs?” Derek nodded. “My dad’s the sheriff back where I live and he used a dog like once. He said training them was really tough.”

Derek smiled. “You just have to show them who the Alpha is.”

Stiles leaned forward towards Derek. “And that’s you?”

Derek's eyes dropped to his lips and back. “Sometimes.”

“Sometimes?” Stiles breathed.

“I live with my sister and she’s older so she’s always been more ‘in charge’ but my mothers the real Alpha.”

“So like you’re actually only feared by dogs?”

“Being Alpha’s not about being feared. Not all the time. It’s about taking care of pack.”

“You speak like you really like wolves because I don't think dogs are that intense.” Derek smiled toothily and Stiles’ heart skipped a little.

Derek was tall, dark and handsome and it was kinda intimidating when his focus settled on you, even with him holding a latte with foam and cinnamon sprinkles.

“Yeah.”

“Do you think I could be an Alpha?” Stiles asked stretching his legs and neck.

Derek coughed. “Ha. No, I think you’d be a good Beta. You don’t really…”Derek trailed off looking at Stiles' neck.

“Something on me?” Stiles asked gulping from the intense gaze.

Derek shook his head. “You look like someone who's good at taking orders.”

Stiles smiled widely and it seemed like Derek understood where his thoughts went because he tried to suppress a smile by looking down at his cup.

“Derek?” Stiles cooed leaning even closer to him. Their shoulders nearly touching Stiles bluntly asked. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

Derek looked at Stiles with an arched eyebrow and a smirk. “No.”

Stiles nodded. “Boyfriend?”

“No.”

Stiles wiggled his eyebrows and Derek chuckled. “Wanna see how good at taking orders I am?”

“Hopefully, you’re better at that then pick up lines.”

Stiles leaned back and laughed. “You’re so rude.”

“How so?” Derek questioned faux innocence.

“I used my best material and I got shot down.” Stiles waved his hands to get Fluffy's attention. She lazily raised her head and looked at him. “Come console me. I've been rejected.” To his surprise, Fluffy jumped from the husky, who kinda glared at Stiles, and settled in his lap. Stiles laid back and rested her on his stomach.

“I never said I wasn’t interested, just that your material sucked.”

“Oh, that makes me feel better.” Stiles replied dryly but he felt a warm feeling pool in his stomach.

The feeling dripped down his side and Stiles looked to see a wet patch forming under Fluffy. “Why?” Stiles moaned shoving the feline off. Stiles scrunched his nose.

“You might wanna take that off.” Derek advised.

Stiles frowned. “I only have this sweater own. Derek rolled his eyes and got up. He gestured for Stiles to do the same. Once Stiles was on his feet Derek yanked the sweater off. “Hey! At least buy me dinner!” Stiles teased covering his torso.

“Maybe afterward.” Derek mumbled and walked to a water fountain. He washed the pee out and wrung the sweater.

“Thank you. Now I can get hypothermia and also ew. Kids drink from that.”

“They clean them daily and I’ve seen someone wash themselves in these.”

“Like they crawled in a water fountain?” Derek stared at him unimpressed then his eyes drifted to Stiles pale torso. Stiles covered himself with his arms again. He could feel his nipples poking into his arms. “Nice freckles.” Derek commented.

Stiles stuck his tongue out. Derek smiled then pulled off his Henley sweater and handed it to Stiles.

“You hand a long sleeve on under that all along?”

“Obviously.”

"Then why did you let me stand here shirtless.” Derek arched an eyebrow and smiled. It took Stiles a minute but when he got it Stiles flushed. “Perv.” he muttered as they walked back to the pets that resumed their cuddling.

“And that’s how you flirt properly.” Derek said as they gathered their respective animals.

“By inflicting hypothermia? I’ll remember to write that down.” Stiles deadpanned trying to hide his mirth. He picked up Fluffy and held her at a distance. “Fluffy you’re lucky I can’t spay you, you cunt.” Fluffy meowed back at Stiles and he was pretty sure it translated to an insult. He flipped her off after he put her back down.

“Want to head back home?” Derek asked.

Stiles glanced at his watch and realized he’d been out for two more hours than he planned. Hopefully, Isaac was back. “Sure.” Stiles agreed taking Fluffy's leash. “But you gotta make me dinner.”

“Why?” Derek asked looking amused.

“Because you undressed me in a very cold park without consent.” Stiles grinned.

 

Derek was quiet as the walked for a while until they were a block away from the apartments. “You like stir-fry?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I don't have a Beta (ovi) and I've skipped every English class since like 11th grade so I'm sorry for any and every grammar mistake.

**Author's Note:**

> Written from [this prompt](http://dailyau.tumblr.com/post/128049993446/my-stupid-cat-sneaked-out-on-the-balcony-and-into)
> 
> Derek's living room inspired by [this picture](http://boweryhouse.org/living-room-furniture-design-ideas.html/black-and-grey-based-modern-living-room-design-with-stylish-furniture-and-home-theater)


End file.
